I almost forgot that I'd committed to blog daily. I was thinking, I posted three or four in one day, I'm actually ahead... but I decided to not subject my new hobby to the all-star slackerdom that I've grown accustomed to in other facets of my life!
So today, as I was speaking to a few people, I've reaffirmed a few priorities. It is easy to place a hobby or obligation ahead of a chore or other task that I don't really want to do, especially if I can somehow mentally manipulate that activity into taking some morally or intellectual superiority over the more mundane idea of something else. It's fairly easy to spend an hour in meditation or at a church or making small-talk with someone I've just reconnected with, in lieu of washing the dishes or studying.
I, like many of my friends, suffer from some cataclysmic-level of procrastination and laziness. The twisted part of that fact is that in my own mind, I don't view it as lazy, just a misappropriation of effort. It seems almost laughable at the moment, but I am currently exhausted and it is past my bed-time. At this very moment, per usual, I am prolonging my sleep for some senseless activity that I can justify for some reason or other.
Sometimes I wonder if there are other people like me, who repeat this insane cycle of perpetuating procrastination. It almost operates of its own accord, completely disregarding what I actually have to accomplish. I doubt that I'm an Internet addict or would honestly be diagnosed as having obsessive-compulsive disorder, but the nonsensical things that I allow myself to waste time on is astounding.
If hoarding is a legitimate psychological disorder, then what my chronic inability (which I need to mention is selective) to do what I am supposed to, is also a psychiatric condition. I say selective, because in many situations, I do take the appropriate actions, and often in a prompt manner. It's almost as if I operate conditionally in a state of chaos and when things are running smoothly, I am uncomfortable and bored. So, in my sub- or unconscious mind, I must create some disturbance or imbalance to stack the situation out of my favor, that my success is a major triumph, or in the event of my failure, "it wasn't a fair fight to start with."
All is not lost, though, I've started some showing some self-discipline, as this insane and selfish behavior has resulted in becoming skilled at things from medical knowledge to teaching myself to play the guitar, and this very documentation of thought!
Until I feel like it,
Shayna
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