When I was just a little girl...

When I was younger, it was really exciting to think about all of the wonderful experiences and moments that the future might hold. Falling in love, having my first job, etching my initials on the world somehow, and so on. The getting older part happens of itself, with very minimal effort on my behalf whatsoever! I've found that the more things I do actually experience, the more my "lust for life," as Iggy would say, grows. I've been in love, had a few jobs, contributed to humanitarian causes, served in the military, written poetry and songs, seen the Eiffel Tower at dawn (albeit with much fine French coffee), and many more things. I know what it feels like to watch someone take their last breath and be the last person that they saw. My life is far richer than I could have imagined as a small child. I just had my twenty-fifth birthday on the opposite coast watching the sun rise over the mountains in California.

But being the flawed and impatient human being that I am, I still yearn for more. My "bucket list" is sort of silly, in hindsight, because nobody really knows how much time is left on their timer. Sometimes I feel like my life is just sitting at a poker table, and I'm always going "all in." I win, which means every time I get dealt a hand, I'm risking more and more. I've lost a few hands, here and there, but all in all, it's as if the pit boss really wants me to win. That, or else he really, really wants the others at my table to lose. Either way, the only way to actually win with your hand is to bet. Play. The most disappointing thing in the experience of my life is when I realize I folded on a winning hand.

So how is this relevant to the context of what I was writing of earlier? Well I folded a few hands, because I was waiting for the Full House or Pocket Aces. As it turns out, my 2,3 combo as of late, turned out to be a full house with the river cards.

San Antonio: Fun, Fellowship, and Frustration?

(smirking) Well that sort of sounds a bit more pessimistic than I'd have liked to start! Yesterday I got home from 4 days and nights in San Antonio with my friend (and chaperone). We were attending a convention of folks similar to us, from all over the world! I had no idea there would be seventy-eight thousand of us though! We filled the Alamodome! Starbucks never stood a chance!

I had a blast! I had to sort of deviate from my usual pattern of behavior (being of the keep running around, caff'ing up and don't stop or sleep 'till I pass out) because, as I said, I had company. It was weird to be constantly eating and sleeping. I can do that anywhere, but whatever, I am okay with compromises so long as I'm not COMPLETELY giving up what I want. I'm still a control freak.

It was so emotionally charged, this weekend. I saw people I hadn't seen in 3 years, and some in months.

I mention the frustration part, because the weather also had a raging case of PMS. It kept cycling from hot and sunny to rain to hot and sunny again.

Only part that could have been a little cooler (on a pretty perfect trip) would to have seen some of the folks I knew were there. I had some other friends who said they were going, but apparently flaked. Per usual. I'm accustomed to that now. I know who's got my back and who just says what they think I want to hear. (Maybe that's just more of the PMS talking.) I learned a little more about myself this weekend, and I'm happier and better for it.

Until something else comes up,
Shayna