Current mood:
exhausted
Progress not perfection...that one is a tough cookie to swallow, but if you take it in small bites, it's good food for thought.
i just totally made that crap up.
i am sooooooooo excited to go home. you have no freakin idea. I miss my MHY folks and those heathens at York too. 
I suppose I have to re-think my manner of living when I come home, but it will be close to what I used to do at home-stay busy and one day at a time try to be the best me I can be and ask for God's will daily.
I really don't know what else I have now. I will miss many friends here in germany, most of whom i just recently had the honor to meet. I will undoubtedly miss my SPC K and many others, because they in part changed my life. I tend to overcomplicate things, and someone very recently helped me to put all that crap into perspective by saying- "Stay in the moment, or you will waste the now worrying about the past or the future, which you have no control over."
I still don't know what i am doing this weekend, but i am sure whatever i do, i will both have a blast and feel guilty about not spending time with some person or another. How egotistical of me to think that other people vie for my time!?!?!
Anyways, super grateful for today and I didn't do anything wrong.
-luv ya
shayna-on my 89th DOS
Current mood:
ecstatic
The thing I have to realize, especially now, is that life isn't always about me. I enjoy making things all about me, especially when they don't really need to be.
I am so grateful today for my friends and family, especially the newer ones and hope they realize that they save my life on a daily basis. I miss Melissa and wish she'd come back to Germany, even though I am in Wurzburg at the moment. Perhaps I should have let someone know where I am, someone other than the person who did know.
Today I need to work on my manipulation issues and how to just be honest and kind in every way that I can!
I am sure that I will blog more later,
luv Shayna----Shy Shayna
Current mood:
optimistic
Wow. I have this new friend and she's my new hero. She is "a real girl, not a good girl." I love that. I love having a friend who is also a mentor and a sister and a mother and so much! I hate that I am leaving here in a few more weeks and will not be able to see her everyday to tell me how fantastic I am-even though I am really not...but just to hear it! I love that the way my life is working out, I know i have an extended family that I will never lose, so long as i say so. Coming home means a lot: picking up with my job and school and fire department, and so on, in addition to squeezing in a few new things..... I don't have it all figured out just yet. I probably will never figure out all of life's mysteries, but i know that if i take life one day at a time, I will survive, thrive, and even help other people.
It's okay to be confused in life, I don't NEED to be labeled or categorized or anything. I can just be confused, wandering around aimlessly in life, and nobody can tell me that I HAVE to do anything. I accept consequences for my actions, but on the whole, it's OK to be existential for a bit. I plan to keep my new friend in my life for a long time. She is like the little conscience that points out the facts and makes me make the right decision, or the wrong one, or tells me that I don't have to make a decision and that's OK too.
I have recently talked to two people i hadn't heard from in AGES! One is someone I went to high school with and completely lost touch with. I remember that she was, in fact, one of my best friends for a long time, so it was cool to hear from her out of the blue! We will have to connect when i come home!
The other was someone from my past, who I am hoping to also reconnect with. Someone who without knowing anything probably changed my life and showed me what it is to love another human being. I am certain that they didn't probably know they were doing ALL THAT at the time, but they did. U did. 
Anyway it took me way too long to write back, so I will completely understand if they don't write me back for a while.
Anyway, it was a great day today. I know, what my comments say, but that was then, and I didn't drink yesterday or today, we'll see about tomorrow, but probably not.
Love you all, and so here's Special K's short version of the serenity prayer: "F*** it."
Thanks and luv ya,
Shayna
