Insomnia leads to crazy thinking, who knew?

Well it's clearly past my bedtime, but classes were cancelled once again for the snow. I always get into a weird sleep pattern when I don't have to get up early. I feel badly for my poor roommate who is enduring my incessant tapping at this moment. I was thinking over my day and it was a pretty mediocre one.

I talked to Jenn and that always makes me feel better. I think best friends just have that power for some reason. Whether I'm on top of the world, or whether not one single thing has gone right in the World of Shayna, whenever I get off the phone with some people, albeit few people, I always feel better.

I was recanting my latest escapades and the "what-ifs" and other hypothetical nonsense, when I had a pretty private revelation. I think psychologically, I am never really well prepared for a good relationship. Most of my exes could emphatically attest to that. What is it about being single that is just such a curse? When I'm single, I can't find anyone datable in miles, but when I don't have the time to commit, or I'm in a relationship already, I have to beat them away with sticks!

I've never understood this, be it confidence or pheromones, or whatever. The strange thing is that I can never remember how exactly I get into a relationship for the next time, so I forget how to engage in conversation. I have somehow reverted into the awkward thirteen year-old version of myself I loathed so much.

Reading Valencia two times in a month can have a strange effect on me, I forget that I, in fact, HAVE had interesting, fun things happen. Even in social settings! Maybe not quite Michelle Tea-interesting and fun, but I'll get there someday!

I think it's time, while I'm reverting, to reread Is it Coffee or is it a Date? by Mo Brownsey. That was a splendid read, and I'd like to be in the date category. I always forget that I am not actually a shy person. I love people, it's one of my better qualities, but for some reason, lately, I've been struck stupid in social situations. I've talked to two different people about it; the one who tells me what I want to hear thinks that it's a phase or possibly that I forgot to breathe. The friend who tells me what I need to hear thinks that I'm becoming more aware of other people and am just growing up and less self-centered. I'm finding the "forgot to breathe" option more likable. That's cute. Much more so than, per se, MATURITY. The best advice I could come up with myself was by asking myself "What Would Jane Do?" because I still don't have a clue what Shayna would do!

In a much more self-respecting note, I've been putting some serious thought into doing the "open mic" thing with Terra, as long as it's not just the "Terra Show," my ego can't handle that yet. This is an instance where I would like to be a peer. Equal. Well, except the fact that she's clearly more talented than me. I don't know how this is going to go. I guess the fun and excitement is in the not knowing.

That's what I'm carrying into this "I'm too shy to ask you out" situation: the fun and exciting part! How hard can mutual eating be? Everyone eats...

Until tomorrow- Shayna