Is there meaning to life when you run out of pop-tarts?

Current mood:bored

I just out of the blue realized that not only am I EXACTLY where i am supposed to be, but i have drastic measurable progress from where i used to be.  I am not a kid anymore, and being a grown-up is still really just too boring, so i keep living in this mental high-school.  I am sure that sounded even crazier than it did in my own mind.  I keep having these situations and opportunities thrown into my lap to grow from. Doing what i am supposed to is getting easier, but i don’t know that it will ever just "come naturally"

I got to talk to my best friend in the whole wide world (my newest bestest friend) the other day. I forgot how much i miss people when i shut them out.  See, when people get too close and start to get to know me, i run away.  I shut them out, dodge their calls, and ignore their myspace messages...   how crazy is that?  If you do that too, then you’re as nuts as i am.  ANYWAY i am working on not doing that anymore.  I don’t want to be that person who has a flock of friends around when it’s only convenient for me, forget the rest!  Instead of just spending all my time thinking about all the people that i miss at the moment and how it would be nice to re-connect with those folks and pick up with our friendship from anywhere in my Manic past, i think about it more than face value now.  Yes, i miss a bunch of folks. Yes it would be really cool to hang out with them all right now!  Then they would open up to me, i would tell them all about what’s been going on and before i know it, i’m hiding from their calls again.  Maybe it’s some sort of self-preservation, but after a long while all you’re left with is a bunch of memories and pictures of people who you don’t know anymore. 

Long story short, i am working on it!  I am and will forever be a commitment-phobe, in relationships and all sorts of obligations, but i hate HAVING to do stuff.  I think i am just a flower child born 30 years late. 

more to follow.
much love, Shayna