What's Love Got To Do With It?

Pardon the Tina Turner reference, I just felt it was fitting to the scenario. My uncle and his husband are going through a terrible situation. It has affected our entire family, and three of my family members have become physically ill as a result. (Okay, probably not directly, but there was definitely bad vibes)

It always astounds me the terrible things we, as human beings do to each other. We, who are supposed to be the civilized dominant species, use words to cut down someone, usually the ones closest to us and judge and do very terrible things to each other. I like to believe in the power of positivity, and faith in humanity, and all that, but sometimes my faith gets a little shaken when I read an article about CHILDREN making another CHILD feel so isolated and in pain they want to die. It happened again when I found out that my uncle was going through this terrible, painful experience. How ironic that their wedding ceremony was all about the convergence of love and spirit, and then promise to spend the rest of their lives together nurturing it, only to have one change his mind.

I have never been the victim of infidelity, so I can't really fully empathize, but my uncle is a very important role model in my life. He's the only consistent, stable male figure throughout my childhood memories. I may never know what it's like to be "Daddy's little girl," but I often feel like I was always Jon's little girl. He taught me the importance of conducting myself in a respectful and dignified way. He showed me right from wrong. I've got his sarcastic sense of humor and quick temper as well. He even helped me with my math homework. I even have a literature collection from when he taught English. He showed me how to cook, and how to be a neighbor. He was and is (even 20 years later) more of a father to me than my own biological father.

I suppose it's all of those reasons and more that I am so frustrated at the situation. I wish I could take on his pain and anger and sadness and insecurities, but I can't. I have my own. There is almost nothing worse than watching someone you love walk through fire knowing you can't do anything to help them other than to support them and let them know you are there.

I'm becoming more of a sensitive person than I used to be, or maybe just expressing it. I have had the sort of unique experience growing up of being raised by not just a mother, but an aunt, two uncles, two grandmothers, and so on, so I've literally been raised by a village. I feel like someone is attacking my village. I may not always like everyone in my village, but I will always do whatever I can to protect my family.

If you are going through this, or have been through it, my heart goes out to you. It's a very lonely and painful thing to have a broken heart. That, I am certain of! You are not alone. I can tell you that people do mean, crappy things to each other. I will also always follow it up with an assurance that I still (yes, still!) believe in the faith of humanity and the power of love and kindness.

"What's love got to do with it?"
Everything.


-For Jon, my uncle, friend, mentor, and dad: I love you, you are not alone.