Jonah Mowry: Is the video real, faked, or does it matter?

When I saw the video above, I'm not going to lie, I sobbed.  I guess it hits close to home, and I really really really hate gay bullying.

But then I noticed a tiny link in a comment under the video saying the whole thing was faked and it was a hoax, AND LOTS MORE BULLYING.  Right because to fight fire, you shouldn't use water, you should ABSOLUTELY use gasoline.  (sigh.)

I don't know if he actually lied or what, but he does kind of come off as annoying and I think he deleted it because: one, it's a crappy video, and two, it's not very eloquent or well thought out.  The first one had cards and real emotions.  I get that he's trying to thank people for being nice, and kind of call out the ones who aren't, BUT I'm not buying the facade in this video. This kid is not doing better, and needs some help.  Maybe I'm naive, but I'd hate to troll this kid for being fake, if he actually took it down because he is ACTUALLY hopeless.

The second video was posted on his YouTube account, then almost immediately deleted and was about four months after the first one in August.


At the end of the day there are three important things to think about here, none of which include "did this kid lie?"  He's a teenager and he's bound to lie about something at some point, so not a big deal.


This kid was sensationalized because although he was bullied from first grade, began self-mutilation at second grade (and is now just starting eighth grade), and was targeted and bullied for being gay, he somehow voices a message of strength.  It's kind of a "I HOPE it gets better" video.

I've been a teenager and bullied and an outcast.  Sometimes the only voice you can hear cheering for you is your own, whether it be "faking it till you make it" or genuine.  Who cares, like I said, there are three thing that are take-home messages from all of this.

1. Where is this kid right now, and how does he REALLY feel?
2. It takes some time to heal wounds, physically and emotionally, so I believe the first one before I would buy the second.
3. Whether either are real or faked or whatever, there has been an outstanding flood of support to this kid and other bullied abused kids.  That positivity can't be manufactured.  Four months can't undo eight years of hell, but knowing you're not the only person in the world who feels like you do and gets called names means something. 

Most folks have seen Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" video, or "I Give a Damn," or even one of the "FKH8" videos.  My favorite is still the crumpled up piece of paper parable.  Bullying is like folding a piece of paper, or balling it up.  You can kind of undo the damage a little, but there are permanent effects.

Instead of trolling to see whether this kid is telling the truth or not, go find someone to stand up for.  Maybe even your own kids, neighbors, relatives, or the weird kid who always eats alone.  If you are an adult and you know this kid or a kid in his shoes, REACH OUT. Sometimes life is messy, and it's better to have a complicated situation with someone who is still here, than to wonder what you should or could have done.

All it takes is to care about someone to change their life.

Peace, Love, and Rock and Roll,
Shayna

On A Serious Note-

Let me first preface what I am about to say with the fact that I am not a counselor or shrink or any other professional in mental health. Okay, disclaimer out of the way, now on to the heart of the matter.

There has been an amazing outpouring of people posting videos in response to the suicide last week of Tyler Clementi. Celebrities, sympathizers, others who have walked down that road have taken some time to stop and say, "You are not alone." That sort of reaching out can mean the world, even if only to one person. One life lost is STILL a tragedy! Nobody should ever be hazed or isolated that they feel like there is nobody in their corner.

I know this firsthand. I was in that place at a few times in my life. I felt that it didn't matter, and that if I weren't here tomorrow, nobody would even notice I was gone. A friend of mine in Germany gave me a copy of a book. It was Kate Bornstein's Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. I read it and suddenly I felt renewed. I can't promise that if you're considering killing yourself that her book, specifically will be the one thing that changes your mind, but for me, it was. It lists a multitude of things in lieu of such a permanent decision as death.

I was reading "Auntie Kate's" blog and she reminded me of a very important fact. If someone HAS left, she suggests, they did so because they had to. She brings up a very important idea, that we shouldn't blame ourselves, but rather, to allow them the dignity of agency.

Now, I'm not condoning suicide, nor am I saying we shouldn't try to stop those who are feeling like that is the only alternative. I've been there, and I can say that what made the most difference for me was in that moment of darkness, to do two things. I thought of the people in my life who I thought might care a little (i.e. my mom, my best friends, etc) and consider whether or not they'd care.

That is really hard to do when the light of the world is so dim that you're thinking of ending your life, so the other thing I managed to do is to come up with a goal or plan of some sort. I've found that I'm a really goal-oriented person, so coming up with some activity, whether it be reading a book, typing a blog entry, talking to someone about their day, volunteering, whatever, helps me to focus my attention on some physical activity, rather than the hopelessness of my situation.

My feelings toward the "We Give A Damn" campaign still hold; I believe that it is important to hear that someone cares about you, even if they've never met you. I care about you, even if you think nobody else does.

If you're open to suggestions, try picking up a copy of Kate's book, or talk to someone at either
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

They have trained professionals, clearly more qualified than I am, but you can always just use my blog page, click on my FB link and send me a confidential msg on Facebook.

Once again, I care.
<3 Shayna