Jonah Mowry: Is the video real, faked, or does it matter?

When I saw the video above, I'm not going to lie, I sobbed.  I guess it hits close to home, and I really really really hate gay bullying.

But then I noticed a tiny link in a comment under the video saying the whole thing was faked and it was a hoax, AND LOTS MORE BULLYING.  Right because to fight fire, you shouldn't use water, you should ABSOLUTELY use gasoline.  (sigh.)

I don't know if he actually lied or what, but he does kind of come off as annoying and I think he deleted it because: one, it's a crappy video, and two, it's not very eloquent or well thought out.  The first one had cards and real emotions.  I get that he's trying to thank people for being nice, and kind of call out the ones who aren't, BUT I'm not buying the facade in this video. This kid is not doing better, and needs some help.  Maybe I'm naive, but I'd hate to troll this kid for being fake, if he actually took it down because he is ACTUALLY hopeless.

The second video was posted on his YouTube account, then almost immediately deleted and was about four months after the first one in August.


At the end of the day there are three important things to think about here, none of which include "did this kid lie?"  He's a teenager and he's bound to lie about something at some point, so not a big deal.


This kid was sensationalized because although he was bullied from first grade, began self-mutilation at second grade (and is now just starting eighth grade), and was targeted and bullied for being gay, he somehow voices a message of strength.  It's kind of a "I HOPE it gets better" video.

I've been a teenager and bullied and an outcast.  Sometimes the only voice you can hear cheering for you is your own, whether it be "faking it till you make it" or genuine.  Who cares, like I said, there are three thing that are take-home messages from all of this.

1. Where is this kid right now, and how does he REALLY feel?
2. It takes some time to heal wounds, physically and emotionally, so I believe the first one before I would buy the second.
3. Whether either are real or faked or whatever, there has been an outstanding flood of support to this kid and other bullied abused kids.  That positivity can't be manufactured.  Four months can't undo eight years of hell, but knowing you're not the only person in the world who feels like you do and gets called names means something. 

Most folks have seen Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" video, or "I Give a Damn," or even one of the "FKH8" videos.  My favorite is still the crumpled up piece of paper parable.  Bullying is like folding a piece of paper, or balling it up.  You can kind of undo the damage a little, but there are permanent effects.

Instead of trolling to see whether this kid is telling the truth or not, go find someone to stand up for.  Maybe even your own kids, neighbors, relatives, or the weird kid who always eats alone.  If you are an adult and you know this kid or a kid in his shoes, REACH OUT. Sometimes life is messy, and it's better to have a complicated situation with someone who is still here, than to wonder what you should or could have done.

All it takes is to care about someone to change their life.

Peace, Love, and Rock and Roll,
Shayna

On Gay Marriage and Growing Up: Things I Want, Eventually!

So the other day, in a news-worthy state senate vote, New York passed gay marriage, by a margin of about one vote.  This is a big deal for a few reasons. First, there is another nail in the coffin of bigotry and discrimination, nationwide.  Second, there is no residency requirements to have a marriage license in New York state, which means anyone can run, fly, drive, train, or swim there and get married to any qualifying person they choose! (By qualifying, I'm guessing the only things stopping a marriage license in NY would be if an individual is already married to someone else, underage (and not emancipated) or not legally competent. So apart from the children, mentally incompetent, and  polygamists, this is a pretty awesome day!

From a more political standpoint, this ruling is a really, really, really big deal, because not only did it fail two years ago in a Democrat controlled state senate, but it passed, now in a Republican dominated senate.  Almost immediately after the ruling, Pres. Obama released a comment saying he's happy about the ruling, but that he still doesn't support gay marriage. Um excuse me? He wants equal rights for all, but just not that legally binding ceremonial thing that comes with tax benefits, hospital visits, adoption, and stuff.  I think he wants that other type of thing, whereby two gay men or lesbians just live together and get introduced as "my friend, [so and so]." 

I wish that the leader of the free world had more gall to stand up to his own convictions and previous promises to fight for LGBT rights ( um that means gay marriage, too, Mr. President.) instead of caving and turning these last few months before primary season into some quasi-conservative thing so John Boehner and the rest don't run him out of Washington.

It would be a lie if I said I didn't comprehend it, but the worse, and truer fact of the matter is, at the point where the president has such a high approval rating, (um ending both wars, finding Bin Laden, DADT, and so on and so on) now is the time for BOLD action.  If he truly wants to go down in history books for being as great or greater than his predecessors, it stands to reason he wouldn't want to look like the shy kid on the playground, pushing dirt around with the toe of his shoe, mumbling "Aw, shucks," while trying not to make eye contact.


NYC's Road to Gay Marriage

Op Ed from Times June 27, 2011

 Well, I believe that that dead horse has been beaten enough.  Now on to "growing up."  I doubt this will be what you were thinking it might be, but here goes anyway!!!

I'm still working on that fine balance between living as an adult, and behaving like a teenager.  I've found that I'm not particularly fond of going to bed early, eating cereal with some form of bran in it, and skimming the WSJ on my way to a "nine-to-five" are not appealing aspects of life to me at all.  So if this is what you were thinking I was going to say, congratulations, you managed to evade my fake-out reverse psychology. I'm super-mature, as you can tell.  Honestly, since I don't drink anymore, there's nothing I do that requires me to be more than a teenager anyhow.  I miss the simple days, as a friend recalls fondly, "of just waking up on Saturday morning, eating cereal and watching cartoons.  Those days rocked." 

We live in such a fast-paced, cutthroat industrial technological culture that we actually spend very little time interacting with real people in person.  A few weeks ago, I was walking down Broad St. (in North Philly) and passed dozens, if not a hundred or so people.  Nearly every single one had an iPod with ear buds in, or were busy maneuvering the sidewalk traffic, trying not to spill hot coffee, or lose that ever important game of Angry Birds.  Not one would make eye contact or return my "good morning."

When did adulthood become synonymous with self-absorbed?  Manners weren't exactly beaten into my childhood as one might suspect from meeting me.  I believe in being polite, courteous, and waiting my turn.  The drill sergeants in basic training instilled the obligation of greeting everyone you encounter.  Not only is it a good way to meet people, it shows some level of respect.  I don't expect that the dozens or so of relatively affluent people I encountered needed my respect or attention, but none even looked up long enough to reciprocate making eye contact.  These are the things that make me feel as though I'm from a different time, transported here against my will and better judgment, to see how well I can acclimate.

Kidding aside, my personal belief still remains. It is easy to actually be kind to strangers (a quality I've observed many times over in my girlfriend) if you actually care about people.  By virtue of statistics, it is easy to conclude most people don't really care about a random stranger.  I must also factor in the crime-potential, as well. *

This last part is more of a mental note to remind me of the imperfect, selfish nature of people, so that I don't chuck my hot coffee at some arbitrary person who happened to pretend to ignore me so that he or she could get to that next level of Angry Birds.  I have some bran to eat and stock market numbers to decipher.

Peace, Love, and Manners,
Shayna

* So it could also be a potential factor that I live in not a particularly safe neighborhood of a major city, and that people indigenous to the area are more accustomed to not making eye-contact, as to avoid attention. 

Brazillian Hate Crimes

I have very mixed feelings about posting a story on the same day about the same thing that Joe.My.God had on his blog, but in posting it, it passes my litmus test: Would Margaret Cho re-post it? Yes, she most certainly would...So here it is.

Nearly a month ago, Priscila, a transgendered woman from Brazil was shot to death.  Brazil is supposedly (I've never been there, so I can't say) among the most homo/trans/queer-phobic places in the world.  The current president's platform (like most mass-appeasing politician's) was that human rights are core.  The discrimination that Priscila faced is common, and pushes many transgendered Brazilians into sex-work.  Watch the video, sign the petition, and remember that your vote here counts, too. 

Discrimination, adversity, violence, prejudice, intolerance, ignorance, hate...  America is a great country to be, as we all have the right to be.  If you have never done so, vote. Get involved with the HRC, or the ACLU, or NOW. Some organization geared toward making a change.  It is 2011, and we still segregate, discriminate, and hate. All people are created equal. Period. So, let's stop treating other people like less than people.



http://www.allout.org/petition/priscila

Brazil needs to pass the Anti-Homophobia law because ...

I Give More Than A Damn.

After this week's backlash of the Rutger's Student suicide/bullying tragedy, a whole bunch of celebrities have stepped forward to plead with distraught teenagers (and young adults) to not give in to the negativity of the bullies. I remember what high school was like, and frankly, it sucked! Teenagers (and pre-teens) can be some of the cruelest, most malicious people alive. I think I'd rather share a cell with Manson than have to go back to the hell of the "Mean Girls." Everyone's awkward; that's just life, but to then specifically single out LGBTQIA kids is about as fair a fight as Hellen Keller vs an Army Ranger.

How can we help? The weird dynamic of all parents (which I am not) is that one of the most common goals of a parent is to make their child's experience a little better than theirs was. How can we do that? In my experience, the US Army does something that I really like (I don't say that very often). There is mandatory suicide training three times a year to recognize signs and symptoms, know what to do, as well as suggest alternatives and other resources. They always conclude this training with passing out a "what to do" type card, about the size of a business card. It has a 24 hour toll-free hotline for those in crisis or just for people with questions.

After a little research, I found a few resources that I think might help. One is called the Trevor Project, named after the movie in the early '90's. (Which admittedly, I didn't research, a professor told us about it this past Wed.)
The website also has a 24 hour crisis line for crises or any LGBTQIA youth issues.

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
1866-488-7386

Along with this resource, is the celebrity based "We Give A Damn" campaign, which is being sponsored by the other wonderful activist organization of Cyndi Lauper. There are seemingly endless celebrities who have endorsed this campaign to end the silence, end the indifference, and end this epidemic.

http://www.WeGiveADamn.org



I've bought one of the t-shirts from the website, as on a college student's salary, I couldn't really afford to just donate a million dollars, but I'll wear my shirt in a pic and change my FB status to it.

There are zillions of ways to get active. Do something. Check out a website, find organizations, and invest time and heart. We're all human beings, so let's start treating each other that way!

<3 Shayna