going home...

Current mood:giddy

So instead of going home in 4 months, I am leaving in like 2. 
I have a friend I need to talk to about some stuff, but they aren't back yet.  Hurry the hell up, I miss you already!  ha ha ha
Anyway this weekend SO did not turn out like I planned.  Someone wise once told me, you can't expect to change if you do the same old crap!  The definition of insanity is doing the same stuff over and over and over and expecting different results.  What the hell do I know? 
Anyhow, just wanted to give a little shout out for my peeps here in Germany,
I'M GOING HOME!!!  For almost all of you, I will miss you dearly and try my freaking best to stay in touch, (if you want), but then hell, half of you won't even read this anyway! 

Bastards... I love you all anyway
-Shayna

Venting, identity crisis, friends

Current mood:chipper

How is it that whenever I feel like I need to vent, I am doing something wrong?   I feel like everyone else deals with their "baggage" way better than me.  On the grander scheme of things, my life is so fantastic right now.  I have a friend who is coming back in about a week, and I can't wait.  I missed her a whole bunch!

My piercing is a tad sore.  I finally told my mom about it.  I wasn't embarrassed to tell her about any of the other stuff, but the fact that I got my tongue pierced was beyond me.  No, I haven't yet gotten any flatware stuck on it.  Thanks guys for scaring the shit out of me before I even did it.  I appreciate it.    j/k   I have learned so much stuff over the last month or so.  Ironically it all started when I pulled off my rose-colored glasses to see what the world was really about.  I, in turn, was able to see from a more reliable vantage point. 

Someone apologized to me for getting "a little fucking poetic."  She's way nicer than me.  I am getting fucking poetic, deal with it. 

I have given up.  I have tried every way i knew to get what I wanted.  I have since learned that it really didn't matter, because what i wanted was selfish and contrary to what the bigger picture had in store.  good things are still happening to me, but now, i get to share them with other people, instead of trying to be the "Special one"  or have the best or newest whatever.  Life is way too short to live with a selfish mindset.  If i knew me before I started to become the person i am trying to be, i would kick my own ass.  Selfish?  I wanted to be the one who helps little old ladies get out a shopping cart at the grocery store and then pushes it back to the store for them after they are done.  I wanted to be the one who can throw a twenty in the Salvation Army thingy without the Santa guy coming back to me to ask if I'd made a mistake.  I wanted to be the one who is at the hospital and after visiting hours and my shift is over, when you can't sleep, i will sit with you and talk you through it all, holding your hand and crying with you.  I was the one who in high school would spend hours filing articles for a particular teacher who would share her immense passion for psychology and education and politics and so on, for the price of my organizational skills.  I was the one who without asking would pick up trash on the side of the street, help fix a flat for a stranger, throw my change in the "Make a Wish" cup and so on.  How the hell did i become the person who didn't even want to be around people because I thought they'd ask me for a little of my time.  When had that happened?  I was truly a sick individual.  I guess I can't really focus too much on all of that, and instead, need more to focus on what i can do right now to help other people...  or else i won't be worth fixing. 

I think i look at it this way:  I have a problem, for which there is no set solution, only suggestions to lessen it.  What i want more than to solve that particular problem is to become the right person as a whole.  I can do little things here and there, but until my heart AND mind are in the right place, it won't do any good at all.  I am working on all of that, and i am sure that one day i will be there, but for now, I am content with the little progress i have made thus far.  It makes me want to come back over a long period of time and work it long-term.  we'll see. 

I am a whole Dr. Phil season all wrapped up into a 5'4" package.  Whodathunkit?
Today I am glad for my friends.  They tell me what I need to hear-the truth!  not what I want to hear, the TRUTH!!!!

To you, my friends, you know exactly whom you are, I love you much and owe today's stark revelation to you, making me think always of anything but me!  I love it! 

love and peace!
Shayna

"You don't know $#!T..."

Current mood:happy

WOW has this been a really long week. I am so lost i don't know where to start... It's been a while since I have been here.  Let me first start out by saying that if God's up there, He must really be laughing at my melodrama.
Did you ever just have "one of those days?" Well I did.  My "day" turned into a week. Which turned into months and now, about a year and a half. 

I woke up late this morning.  If you don't know me well, you may not be able to appreciate the fact that I am SO not a morning person.  I hate waking up more than anything else in life. Except going to bed.  Sleep is such an unproductive waste of time.  It is pointless. why bother? 

Well, when you don't do it for several days and then try to "nap" and wake up the next day, I know that I am often late for work.  I hate mornings.  That's why i am probably one of the biggest supporters to caffeine anywhere.  I love to live life a billion miles an hour with my hair on fire. 

A great new friend of mine once told me "never be afraid to try to get what you want out of life.  Don't settle, you gotta fight for it."  That is amazing to me. 

I am kind of an arrogant jackass sometimes.  Again to those of you who really truly know me, that might be an understatement.  I also have somewhat of a "god-complex."  I want to save the world and stuff.... right.
I asked someone to help me with something that happens to be outside my field of expertise.  I sort of just wanted to be told "Do this, read up on that, write about it in a journal, etc."  I had already made so damn many previous expectations in my own mind, that fulfilling my own preconceived ideas was impossible.  Back to reality- what she said essentially-you don't know jack, or you wouldn't be asking for my help in the first place!  that grabbed me by the throat.  Someone called me on my bullshit.  That hadn't happened in a long time.  wow. 

more on all of that another time, but as for now, I have to go check in on something, call someone, and be somewhere cause if i don't, I will end up a nobody, doing nothing, and I'll be nowhere. 

Ha-and I have to polish the rims of my 21 year-old "Rose colored glasses."

-"peace out, cub scout" and hi to all, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Shayna

i am soooo bored, why can't i sleep

Current mood:exhausted

I can't sleep.  I even tried lying in bed for three hours.  Staring at the ceiling.  Then i started to play on myspace, which is, i believe, the devil.  I am such the myspace addict. 

Yesterday i dreamed that dave and i were staying at his brother, Joe's house on some installation, while Joe moved from housing to some off-post place.  I don't know why Dave and I were roommates, but whatever.  I also had a dog and it had puppies.  One of the puppies was a Scotty.  Go figure. I so hate small dogs.  Then I did the "P" sign thing and Ervin looked, so i punched him right in the face, square in the middle.  Hollins laughed, so i punched him too. then he said good one.  Then i cried because i realized they were in my dream.  That depressed me all day today. 

I am soooo proud of my baby for graduating ALS. He's a SSgt now!  How cool is that?  I guess i really have to start working on that now.  LOL


I realized that there is some sort of freakish probability of going to both Rock am Ring and the Dining-in.  That weekend is soooo going to be awesome, but it's gonna be hell trying to stay awake for four days.  I haven't done that in a couple months.  Guess instead of taking uppers and downers, I'll just do the uppers....
  I still have to find out from Melissa why the sudden trip to Graf.

either way, i am sure it will definately be an adventure!

-g'night folks. 

PS shout out- happy birthday to Matt, and congrats, Grad!

C'est la vie! C'est vrais, mais pas bon. Oui, je suis amusante.

Current mood:ecstatic

i got a message from Sarah on facebook earlier.  She is graduating nursing school today.  That is cool, and i am so proud of her, because to be honest, i wasn't sure if she could do it or not, but i knew if she could, she'd be able to do anything.  I think this is like that one defining moment in her life that will give her any confidence to do anything she wants in life. 

I think i am a bad influence on Melissa.  Somehow she thought it'd be a good idea to drive to Nuremberg Friday afternoon, go to Rock am Ring, come back Saturday afternoon for the LRMC dining in, then immediately drive the four hours back to Nuremberg until the last concert on Monday morning, driving directly to work on Monday morning.  I am quite impressed at the enthusiasm to try to accomplish the impossible and based on my own crazy adventures, especially with Rachel, I do believe it can be done, but i have my reservations.  I mean, if any two people on earth can pull this one off, it would be the pair of us, but even this is pushing it. 

I talked to Dee today and it cleared a lot of things up for me.  A LOT of things.  I guess i was pushing away a little more than i thought.  I sort of felt bad on that one.  I invited them on the Paris trip, but i know they won't go.  I think that is the weekend he told me about.  Even if it's not, they flake out of everything, it seems like.  I get that you're married and like spending time together, but gee whiz, guys, you do have friends, don't you?  Remember them?  Just kidding.  Just missed y'all! 

Friday will be downtown day, exploring and sightseeing
Saturday will be museums and monuments and such finished up with a Parisian Pub crawl
Sunday will be more sight-seeing and such but with a fancy French dinner in a really nice restaurant.  I plan on footing the bill, so i am saving starting...NOW!  We are also Not staying in Joey's suggested Holiday inn-euro disney.  it's too far away and it's going to be packed.  We are staying in a nice hotel and it's going to be downtown and super nice!  I am so excited.  This time i will refresh the French thing before the trip. 

And I hope to God i don't come down on manpower in June.  Nor any of the other peeps on the list.  that'd suck.  Wards too.  oh well, C'est la vie!

Much Love, ~
Shayna

TDY from hell

Current mood:melancholy

I am getting so fed up.  Whenever I actually care about something, it completely backfires in my face.  when i don't care about anything, i am numb to my surroundings and it doesn't feel like disappointment. 

I was told this week that i should write a song called "Shut the Hell UP!"

The lyrics could go like this:

If you're driving my van and the radio's on
shut the hell up cuz it's my favorite song
i don't care about how you grew up f'd
So let me alone, and shut the hell up.


We stayed in Stuttgart at what must have been German for "The Bates Motel."  Nobody would do anything the day we got there so the night after the blood drive, we got a group together and went to the Fest.  After the Fest, we took the train back and i almost got arrested for assault.  I kicked a german dude in the ankle. 

I never did find Bob's niece that works up there.  I guess i will email them and tell them to get her to call me.  I have to find this lady so i can sort out all this crap. 

I am going to stab the next idiot who asks me if i am going to extend.  I am serious.  I hate this hell hole.  Mike and Brian and Brian are not idiots.  almost everybody else is a retard.  that, or they frustrate me soooo much that i can't see straight anyway. 

Taylor told me that i should get promoted so i can tell other e5's to shut up to their face, but i said i do that already.  I hate this place.

girlie quiz...the aweful truth

Current mood:apathetic

50 girl questions...answer them with the truth..

what color is the bra you have on?  pink and brown

Do you straighten your hair everyday?  no, well sometimes i de-frizz

Do you worry about the size of your boobs?  I have too much other crap to worry about!

What's your favorite girly magazine?  Cosmo!

Would you kill for chocolate?  no

Jeans or skirts? jeansDo you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?  yes

Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? did you ever hear of prom?

Would you leave the house without makeup on?:  to work

Do you consider making out "unladylike"?  define lady...

On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping?:  15

Are you spoiled?  sometimes... I've gotten better at spoiling myself

Do you think lip gloss is the best?:  yes.

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?  nope i wait till it's on DVD

Do you yell a lot?  yup.

Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work?  do scrubs count as PJ's?

Accessories make the outfit; true or false:  sometimes

do u like skater boys?  hells yea.

Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe?:  duh!

Lip gloss a must?: yeah!

current status?  in a relationship

Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?  yes.

Do you often wish there was something you could change? often.

Gold or silver? white gold!

Do you dress up too much for holidays? sometimes

Do you like wearing dresses?  yes.  but like all great things, it is way more impressive if you don't do it that often.

Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?:  no but I write dirty limericks

On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?  0-  thought process of a guy:  sex then food and then some sort of entertainment that involves one or both. 

What makeup could you not live w/ out? lip stuff.